Bathing Beauties

There's no fighting it. It's nearly swimsuit season. And that weathered old Speedo buried deep in your closet won't cut it at this summer's beach- and pool-side parties.

Never mind that you spent this winter eating Beard Papa cream puffs for lunch every day. There's a perfect suit out there for every body. Below, our picks for the exceptionally picky.

The "I Loathe My Thighs" Suit

Feeling a little jiggle up top is great, but inner thigh Jell-O makes you feel about as attractive as a Ozzy Osbourne. This chic little floral number from DKNY offers skirt-bottom coverage without making you look like you're trying to hide something. It just looks stylish. And the top features a universally flattering cross-over cut that looks like it just might hold more than the equivalent of two oatmeal cookies. How novel. —Emili

Top, $68, and Skirt bottom, $80, at Nordstrom.

The Bangin' Body Suit

Assuming you've been treating your body like a temple, you may be ready to buy the sexy swimsuit of your dreams. And mine just happens to be this slinky, island-inspired number by Mara Hoffman. It's miniscule, but the eye-catching fringed top covers up a bit of the cleavage that would otherwise be lurking, making for a slightly more modest — yet still sultry — look. —Erin

$188 at Mara Hoffman.

The Bangin' Body and Bank Account Suit

Missoni's seafoam-hued bikini could be my most coveted swimsuit of all time. Because nothing says summer chic like Missoni, especially if you're stuck laying out on the piece of pool-less pavement in front of your house. Yeah, the yacht's in the shop. —Erin

$395 at Net-A-Porter.

The Up the Spout Suit

As an official member of the deeply pregnant club, I was hoping to avoid the whole swimsuit conundrum this summer. But as I found myself headed to Hawaii for a last-minute babymoon, I was forced to face the issue. Thankfully, I ran into this cheapie preggo suit —Liz Lange's Twisted Bandeau Rouched Swim Dress — at Target. It supports my super-boobiness, while making me feel a bit like a classic film star. Only huge. —Emili 

$39.99 at Target.com

The "I'm Nearly Secure in My Masculinity ... and I'm Hot" Board Short

Parke & Ronen is not just for gay men. Or at least it shouldn't be. The New York duo's Melrose shop, located just a few blocks east of Fred Segal, has plenty of longer-length options in addition to the four-inch inseam shorts that usually populate Ginger Rogers beach on warm summer days. This gingham suit is thankfully above-the-knee, but not so short as to initiate heterosexual self-consciousness while playing beach volleyball.

Giant Gingham 8-inch boardshort, $98, at Parke & Ronen —Andrew