The Kids in America

Yes, there were many familiar faces at the 13th Annual Teen Choice Awards, which aired on Fox last Sunday. Cameron Diaz was there, as was Rachel Bilson, Zooey Deschanel, Fergie and Zoe Saldana — all ladies who, like us, are now past being called "teens." But with the exception of Emma Stone, Jason Bateman, Taylor Swift and Justin Beiber and his cute-as-a-button lady friend, Selena Gomez, we seriously had no idea who anyone at that awards show was. And it made us feel old as balls — and we're only 26. 

Destinee & Paris? Booboo Stewart? Sterling Knight? Who the hell are these people, we thought, as they walked the red carpet with the swagger of Brad Pitt. Their Chippendales-esque stage names only confused us further. 

Thankfully, Wikipedia saved the day and let us know that most of the too-young-to-vote performers were already "songwriters," "producers" and "clothing designers" with 200 times the amount of Twitter followers than we have.  

We wondered if we were old, boring or just painfully out of the pop culture loop before realizing that our 27 year-old roommate didn't have a clue who the majority of attendees were, either. And we felt a wee bit better. 

Since we're clearly not alone in our young Hollywood ignorance, we decided to create this handy dandy primer so next time a 14 year-old's YouTube video reaches 20,000,000 views or a Disney channel star has a nude iPhone photo scandal, we're properly prepared to partake in the dinner party fodder that will surely follow. 

Who: Sterling Knight

First sentence of Wikipedia profile: "Sterling Sandmann Knight (born March 5, 1989) is an American actor, singer-songwriter and musician." 

Current project: A cameo as himself in the upcoming Amy Adams and Jason Segel Muppets movie. 

Twitter followers: 236,748