Nine Life Lessons Learned at Coachella
“Hi. I’ve had a bitch of a night. Can I have some of your tequila?” is probably not the smartest question to ask a group of strangers you met in a parking lot. But desperate times call for desperate measures. And standing alone in a dusty desert field left to MacGyver your way into Coachella without a ticket calls for severe action.
“I know this one kid that hopped the fence,” said one of my new tequila-swilling friends. Coincidentally, they were without the coveted purple wristbands needed to get into the show, too. “I think he cut up his leg pretty bad but he said Jay-Z was sick.”
“I know two girls that outran cops on horseback.” said another, in awe. Call it a brainstorming session. But unprepared to display such athleticism in my Harachi sandals, I was forced to move on.
And so goes Coachella life-lesson #1: Wear sensible shoes.
Here are some of the other nuggets of wisdom I absorbed during my first-ever trip to the massive music festival this past weekend.
Coachella life-lesson #2: Lindsay Lohan doesn’t look as beastly in real life.
I’ve had the privilege of running into Lindsay Lohan too many times to count. But I’ve never before seen her in the light of day. On Saturday, Lohan joined the likes of Josh Hartnett, Alexander Wang and super stylist Britt Bardo at the backyard party thrown by Sophomore designer Chrissie Miller and Kanon Organic Vodka. And contrary to the barrage of unflattering pictures that usually show Lohan stumbling around, she actually looked half decent and reasonably sober. Until she took to the bathroom for a long period of time and turned on the shower, yet emerged with dry hair. But in return for at least looking like she pulled herself together, we’ll give Linds the benefit of the doubt and assume she just needed a quick body rinse.
Coachella life-lesson number 3: Sleep is for the weak.
That, and, easy chairs, floors, cars and even the desert sand are perfectly acceptable stand-ins for a bed.
Coachella life-lesson #4: Yes, there really are people like that.
At the Fashion Loves Music party at the Riviera Hotel Sunday afternoon, it was visually confirmed that the following people do in fact exist: Men who wear jewel-encrusted Christian Audigier swim trunks, people who will wait in a thirty-minute line for the promise of free French fries and couples who quite literally hump in public. Also it seems that thong bikinis are back in fashion. Who knew?
SEX, DRUGS AND HOUSE: The Fashion Loves Music pool party at the Riviera Hotel on Sunday afternoon.
Coachella life-lesson #5: Education is important.
“You got scammed, I’m sorry,” said the Coachella security guard to an upset looking lady holding a white piece of paper. Turns out the tickets she bought on Craigslist were fake.
“But I paid for these,” she said.
“I know, and I’m sorry. But unfortunately there are bad people out there,” the guard responded.
“So I can’t get in?” she asked. The guard just stared.
“No, I’m sorry. Your ticket isn’t real.”
“But I paid for these,” she said. This continued, pretty much word-for-word, for five minutes. Moral of the story: Stay in school, unless you want to end up as either party.