Mistress Style 101
It's almost inevitable at this point. The guys with the classiest dames always pick the cheapest-looking girls to cheat on them with.
Why? We can only venture guesses here — maybe they subconsciously feel unworthy of their impressive lady (paging Jesse James). Or perhaps they simply equate fast-and-easy sex with, well, trashy gals (we're looking at you, Woods).
We're less concerned with the reasons, and more fascinated by the strikingly bad personal style shared by all the recently outed mistresses on the tabloid scene. Sure, we expected Eliot Spitzer's call girl, Ashley Dupre, to look like a hooker. But the latest rich 'n famous philanderers have, across the board, gone for girls who actually wear lace teddies...and leopard-striped plastic headbands.
A few fashion tips from the babes who’ve bagged ’em…
Need some attention? Get your forehead tattooed.
Jesse James broke our hearts by cheating on Hollywood's coolest girl, Sandra Bullock. Worse yet, he made our eyes bleed with his choice of side dish — head-to-toe tattooed stripper Michelle McGee. This mother of two has too many style sins to actually count. Tattoos can be rad, but who — aside from Mike Tyson — gets one on their forehead (the offending tattoo reads "Pray for us sinners because we are all sinners”)?
And to show off all that ink, McGee, a.k.a. Michelle Bombshell (it’s her stripper name, we couldn’t make that up) is consistently clad in bikinis, masking tape-tight tank tops and stiletto platforms. But then she is a stripper, so we weren’t exactly expecting Prada loafers. It’s James’ high-low taste in women we’re totally baffled by.
DRAWN TOGETHER: Jesse James’ alleged mistress, Michelle McGee, shows us how to ruin a perfectly pretty epidermis.
Chico’s is the Frederick’s of Hollywood of Capitol Hill.
Dressing up, for fallen political star John Edwards’ baby mama, Rielle Hunter, boils down to donning a floral floor-length dress from, say, Coldwater Creek (or a lavender collared blouse from Land’s End?), and festooning her poufy, over-dyed hair with a toddler’s headband (bangs out and poufed up!).
Edwards pays $400 a haircut, but the sex tape-filming politico apparently doesn’t care that the mother of his youngest child walks around dressed like an Amish Golden Girl.
FINDING SPEIGEL: Rielle Hunter, John Edwards’ other woman, shows off her stuffy style.
Two words: Balloon boobs.
To put it bluntly, Tiger Woods (and pretty much every other cheating pro athlete) likes girls who look like whores. The ex-golden boy of golf has a definite type – and it’s defined by surgery-induced cleavage (enhanced by a parade of colored push-up bras), rubber-tire Restalyn lips coated in sparkling lipgloss, bleached long hair and mountains of makeup.
His wife, Elin Nordegren, is a former bikini model, so it stands to reason that Tig's into the cosmetically enhanced look. But the groupies he’s been working through on the road give “tramp-tastic” a whole new set of visuals.
TIGER BAIT: Jaimee Grubbs, Mindy Lawton and genuine porn star Holly Sampson are but a few of Woods' conquests.